Tag Spider-Man

THROWBACK THIRSTDAY WITH AMAZING FANTASY #15.

AN AMAZING FANTASY #15 REVIEW

Sometimes I read Amazing Fantasy #15, and I drink myself to sleep. It’s been many years since I sold my rights to Marvel for a pack of smokes, and a case of beer. This might come to some surprise to you folks but we all make mistakes. So let’s just get on with it, as I review my origin story.

WE START OFF SHOWING HOW MUCH OF A SOCIAL REJECT I AM.

Apparently, no one likes sweater vests and science. Except maybe my dear old Aunt May, and my Uncle Ben. Trust me when I tell you, Mays wheat cakes are to die for!

In the first couple pages I thought I was reading a pro bullying flyer for the 1960s. It makes me look so beat down I thought they were about to introduce me as a Super Villain at first.

Avoiding Flash Thompson and girls like the plague, I head into the radiation experiment at the science fair. Now back in the 60s we didn’t believe in protective suits to shield us from radiation. It was deemed so safe back then we just opened up these experiments to the public. The government is just being overprotective now a days. I can’t think of anything ever going wrong with radiation experiments.

SON OF A BITCH, OK, there is at least one time. Oh wait.

ALRIGHT.  LET’S JUST FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.

So a tiny spider bites me after being subjected to the experiment. I start to feel sick and head outside.  Being narrowly missed by a speeding car, I jump out of the way and grab onto a building. This is where I realize I have gained incredible powers.  The proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a spider to be exact!

I decide to test my powers further by entering a wrestling match with Crusher Hogan for 100 bucks. I only have to last 3 minutes! So I decide to conceal my identity as to not embarrass myself if I lose, and throw on a pair of bright red panty hose over my face. Bless you Aunt May.

After beating Crusher Hogan with ease a talent agent at the match decided he could make me a lot of money. I took him up on the deal. Soon I was booked on TV shows and stages all over New York! I even created a special Web fluid that I could shoot out from these devices I made on my wrists! I even sewed myself a fancy new costume!

After some delicious milk and crackers. Oh yeah!  Crackers. Screw cookies. I became the Spider-Man!

Now. I’d like to say all my new found fame of dazzling crowds didn’t go to my head (like the 3 shots of whiskey I just drank). One night after a show I could have stopped a man being chased by police.

To be honest I just didn’t want to get sued by the robber if I hurt him. Hey, that’s what police are for right? Anyways, months go by and I’m the sensation of the decade. Until one night arriving home.  I’m met by a police car. I’m told my Uncle Ben has been shot and killed.

I also want to point out that this cop is on the scene of every crime in New York. Looks like I’m not the only Superhero hiding something.

Hearing the news about my Uncle Ben I rush to put on my costume and head over to the old abandoned Acme factory to where my Uncle Ben’s murderer is holding up. I sneak inside and knock the guy out cold. After seeing his face in the light I realize that Uncle Ben’s murderer, is none other than the same robber I failed to stop months earlier.

This is when I realized with great power, comes great responsibility. If only I would have stopped him Uncle Ben would still be alive. How ever May made a “killing” on his rice recipe but that’s a story for another time.

OVERALL, I LIKE THIS ORIGIN TELLING OVER THE REAL THING.

I’m giving it 6 beers out of a 6 pack.

That won’t happen much at all. Trust me, I like beer way too much.

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY.  UNTIL LATER.  THROW ME A BEER.

Throwback Thirstday: Amazing Spider-Man #1 Review, Part 2 of 2

HELLO AGAIN BEER MATES! WELCOME BACK TO ANOTHER REVIEW OF ONE OF MY ADVENTURES!  TODAY WE WILL BE LOOKING AT THE SECOND STORY IN AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #1. STARRING ME!  PETER.  PETER PARRRLLLMER?  WAIT.

This adventure stars Peter Palmer as the Amazing Spider-Man. Well screw me. What do I do now? Guess I won’t be reviewing this in the first person. For you guys I’ll review it.

So Palmer has a great idea that by joining the Fantastic Four he can make some money. So he heads to the Baxter Building to let them know he’s available. Stupid idea. Can you imagine them having to change all their logos, merchandising, and trademarks just for this kid Palmer to make money?

So after Palmer dresses up as Spider-Man he has a brief misunderstanding with the Fantastic Four which turns into an all out brawl. Spider-Man really kicked some major ass before Reed calms everyone down.

So after kicking the “Fantastic Four’s” hides, you would think that would gain Spider-Man some respect. Nah. He’s only better than all four of them combined.

They also believe the bad press Jonah Jameson has been writing in the papers.

So Palmer takes off out the window calling them a bunch of pikers. Pikers. Hmm. Ok. We gotta Google this.

Well. That was disappointing. Was hoping for something different. So, next we shift our attention to the first appearance of the Chameleon!

Looks like Palmer is going to have his hands full!!!! Seriously. If Chameleon ties up his friend the Janitor like that, look out Palmer! But does he really need a multi-pocket disguise vest to become the janitor? It’s the 60’s. He probably could have brown paper bagged some liquor and threw a broom over his shoulder and walked into the Pentagon. So after successfully stealing some secret plans the Chameleon decides to watch the news.

The Chameleon plots his next caper.

After thinking up his next plot involving framing Spider-Man, the Chameleon puts his plan in motion.

Apparently Chameleon is a genious. Must be those brain goggles he wears. He never seems to take them off. After activating his machine to lure Spider-Man into his trap, we return to a scene with Peter Palmer picking up the “Spidar” waves. Yep, still Peter Palmer.

One thing Palmer has over me is he’s a way better dresser. No sweater vests for this man! So Palmer heads out to find the source of the signal. Meanwhile Chameleon dressed as Spider-Man steals more secret government plans. He starts his getaway to the roof just as Spider-Man arrives!

Hahahahahha. He’s got his multi-pocket disguise vest with him! This guy is terrific! So Chameleon takes off in a helicopter that was parked on the roof and Spider-Man gives chase. After catching up to Chameleon trying to trade his secret documents to the Russians, Palmer grabs the Chameleon and takes him back to the rooftop where the police are waiting.

Just as Palmer is about to hand Chameleon over to the police, he gave Spider-Man the slip and ran back inside the building to disguise himself as a police officer. Palmer uses his spider sense to figure out which officer is the Chameleon.

So let’s pause here for a second. Something is really bothering me. Those goggles Chameleon wears. He never seems to take them off.

Okay. Apparently I can’t figure out how to rotate the image. But this is an average size head replica.  Looks like the Chameleon as well. Nice. So I’m going to try putting on a mask with goggles on.

This looks awful!!!! How can these cops not notice that Sloth from The Goonies is wearing a Spider-Man mask. It was also incredibly hard to put on and took me about 5 minutes.

So Spider-Man runs away during the scuffle and the cops end up catching Chameleon.  One thing Palmer and I have in common is running away like a little girl crying.

SO THAT ENDS THE TALE OF PETER PALMER THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN . I GIVE THIS 4 BEERS OUT OF A SIX PACK. GOOD JOB PALMER. CHEERIO!

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY. UNTIL NEXT TIME. THROW ME A BEER.

THROWBACK THIRSTDAY: AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #1 STORY #1OF 2 REVIEW

ALRIGHT, GUYS AND GALS! TIME FOR A REVIEW ON “MY” NEXT ADVENTURE. THIS SPIDER-MAN ISSUE HAS 2 STORIES IN IT SO I’LL SPLIT IT INTO 2 SEPARATE REVIEWS.

Seriously though, the amount of writing on one page of this Spider-Man issue could cover a full issue in today’s world. We start off with a short recap of my origin. Been there done that. 

 WITH OUT UNCLE BEN, AUNT MAY AN I ARE HAVING A TOUGH TIME GETTING ALONG.

I tried to quit school and get a job but my Aunt wouldn’t have it. So I decided to work show business again. This is where I ran into my first snag. I couldn’t cash my own pay checks! I couldn’t have them write my real name on the check!

Things just kept getting worse for me. Little did I know, a man named J. Jonah Jameson working for the Daily Bugle Newspaper would change that.

Yes. A newspaper. This is what it looks like kids.

That was how people got news back in the day. Amazing in itself.

Jameson thought that I was a menace and needed to be taken down. His newspaper editorials made it impossible for me to work in show business.

I decided to look for a part time job. While reading through the want ads I noticed Jonah’s own son and astronaut, John Jameson is launching off into space to orbit the Earth!

I decide to go check out the launch. The launch went off fine but when the capsule separated from the rocket the forward guidance chip fell off. The capsule was spinning out of control!

After a failed attempt by our space program’s most brilliant minds to drop a parachute in front of the capsule holding a steel net,

I decided it was time for Spider-Man to jump back in action! If I could save Jonah’s son there would be no way he would call me a menace! After a short meeting with military personnel and Jonah, I decided I was the best one to reach an out of control space capsule with the new guidance hardware. Yeah, I decided.

Right here I would have to agree with Jonah. I’m pretty sure that the fantastic four could of taken care of this much easier. So I run to the nearest airfield and hop on a military jet that races me to the out of control capsule.

Using my webbing to latch on as we got close enough, I pulled myself onto the capsule. The component fit right into place!

John was able to take control of the capsule, launch the chute and land safely back to Earth!  I saved the day! No way Jonah would ever write bad about me again!

Guess I was wrong. Jonah thought I was stealing the spotlight from his son, John! Damn it! Now what will I do?

Overall, this one gets a beer for Jonah’s first appearance. A beer for the Spider-Man story. That’s it. Two beers out of a six pack for this story. They are just starting to feel me out in this one. Hopefully story number two can do better.

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY. UNTIL NEXT TIME, THROW ME A BEER.