THROWBACK THIRSTDAY WITH AMAZING FANTASY #15.
AN AMAZING FANTASY #15 REVIEW
Sometimes I read Amazing Fantasy #15, and I drink myself to sleep. It’s been many years since I sold my rights to Marvel for a pack of smokes, and a case of beer. This might come to some surprise to you folks but we all make mistakes. So let’s just get on with it, as I review my origin story.
WE START OFF SHOWING HOW MUCH OF A SOCIAL REJECT I AM.
Apparently, no one likes sweater vests and science. Except maybe my dear old Aunt May, and my Uncle Ben. Trust me when I tell you, Mays wheat cakes are to die for!
In the first couple pages I thought I was reading a pro bullying flyer for the 1960s. It makes me look so beat down I thought they were about to introduce me as a Super Villain at first.
Avoiding Flash Thompson and girls like the plague, I head into the radiation experiment at the science fair. Now back in the 60s we didn’t believe in protective suits to shield us from radiation. It was deemed so safe back then we just opened up these experiments to the public. The government is just being overprotective now a days. I can’t think of anything ever going wrong with radiation experiments.
SON OF A BITCH, OK, there is at least one time. Oh wait.
ALRIGHT. LET’S JUST FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.
So a tiny spider bites me after being subjected to the experiment. I start to feel sick and head outside. Being narrowly missed by a speeding car, I jump out of the way and grab onto a building. This is where I realize I have gained incredible powers. The proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a spider to be exact!
I decide to test my powers further by entering a wrestling match with Crusher Hogan for 100 bucks. I only have to last 3 minutes! So I decide to conceal my identity as to not embarrass myself if I lose, and throw on a pair of bright red panty hose over my face. Bless you Aunt May.
After beating Crusher Hogan with ease a talent agent at the match decided he could make me a lot of money. I took him up on the deal. Soon I was booked on TV shows and stages all over New York! I even created a special Web fluid that I could shoot out from these devices I made on my wrists! I even sewed myself a fancy new costume!
After some delicious milk and crackers. Oh yeah! Crackers. Screw cookies. I became the Spider-Man!
Now. I’d like to say all my new found fame of dazzling crowds didn’t go to my head (like the 3 shots of whiskey I just drank). One night after a show I could have stopped a man being chased by police.
To be honest I just didn’t want to get sued by the robber if I hurt him. Hey, that’s what police are for right? Anyways, months go by and I’m the sensation of the decade. Until one night arriving home. I’m met by a police car. I’m told my Uncle Ben has been shot and killed.
I also want to point out that this cop is on the scene of every crime in New York. Looks like I’m not the only Superhero hiding something.
Hearing the news about my Uncle Ben I rush to put on my costume and head over to the old abandoned Acme factory to where my Uncle Ben’s murderer is holding up. I sneak inside and knock the guy out cold. After seeing his face in the light I realize that Uncle Ben’s murderer, is none other than the same robber I failed to stop months earlier.
This is when I realized with great power, comes great responsibility. If only I would have stopped him Uncle Ben would still be alive. How ever May made a “killing” on his rice recipe but that’s a story for another time.
OVERALL, I LIKE THIS ORIGIN TELLING OVER THE REAL THING.
I’m giving it 6 beers out of a 6 pack.
That won’t happen much at all. Trust me, I like beer way too much.
THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY. UNTIL LATER. THROW ME A BEER.