Category Drunken Spidey

THROWBACK THIRSTDAY WITH AMAZING FANTASY #15.

AN AMAZING FANTASY #15 REVIEW

Sometimes I read Amazing Fantasy #15, and I drink myself to sleep. It’s been many years since I sold my rights to Marvel for a pack of smokes, and a case of beer. This might come to some surprise to you folks but we all make mistakes. So let’s just get on with it, as I review my origin story.

WE START OFF SHOWING HOW MUCH OF A SOCIAL REJECT I AM.

Apparently, no one likes sweater vests and science. Except maybe my dear old Aunt May, and my Uncle Ben. Trust me when I tell you, Mays wheat cakes are to die for!

In the first couple pages I thought I was reading a pro bullying flyer for the 1960s. It makes me look so beat down I thought they were about to introduce me as a Super Villain at first.

Avoiding Flash Thompson and girls like the plague, I head into the radiation experiment at the science fair. Now back in the 60s we didn’t believe in protective suits to shield us from radiation. It was deemed so safe back then we just opened up these experiments to the public. The government is just being overprotective now a days. I can’t think of anything ever going wrong with radiation experiments.

SON OF A BITCH, OK, there is at least one time. Oh wait.

ALRIGHT.  LET’S JUST FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.

So a tiny spider bites me after being subjected to the experiment. I start to feel sick and head outside.  Being narrowly missed by a speeding car, I jump out of the way and grab onto a building. This is where I realize I have gained incredible powers.  The proportionate strength, speed, and agility of a spider to be exact!

I decide to test my powers further by entering a wrestling match with Crusher Hogan for 100 bucks. I only have to last 3 minutes! So I decide to conceal my identity as to not embarrass myself if I lose, and throw on a pair of bright red panty hose over my face. Bless you Aunt May.

After beating Crusher Hogan with ease a talent agent at the match decided he could make me a lot of money. I took him up on the deal. Soon I was booked on TV shows and stages all over New York! I even created a special Web fluid that I could shoot out from these devices I made on my wrists! I even sewed myself a fancy new costume!

After some delicious milk and crackers. Oh yeah!  Crackers. Screw cookies. I became the Spider-Man!

Now. I’d like to say all my new found fame of dazzling crowds didn’t go to my head (like the 3 shots of whiskey I just drank). One night after a show I could have stopped a man being chased by police.

To be honest I just didn’t want to get sued by the robber if I hurt him. Hey, that’s what police are for right? Anyways, months go by and I’m the sensation of the decade. Until one night arriving home.  I’m met by a police car. I’m told my Uncle Ben has been shot and killed.

I also want to point out that this cop is on the scene of every crime in New York. Looks like I’m not the only Superhero hiding something.

Hearing the news about my Uncle Ben I rush to put on my costume and head over to the old abandoned Acme factory to where my Uncle Ben’s murderer is holding up. I sneak inside and knock the guy out cold. After seeing his face in the light I realize that Uncle Ben’s murderer, is none other than the same robber I failed to stop months earlier.

This is when I realized with great power, comes great responsibility. If only I would have stopped him Uncle Ben would still be alive. How ever May made a “killing” on his rice recipe but that’s a story for another time.

OVERALL, I LIKE THIS ORIGIN TELLING OVER THE REAL THING.

I’m giving it 6 beers out of a 6 pack.

That won’t happen much at all. Trust me, I like beer way too much.

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY.  UNTIL LATER.  THROW ME A BEER.

The Adventures of Blackie, A Marvel Zombies Halloween Review

I DIDN’T EVEN SEE DARE DEVIL IN THIS COMIC. SO APPARENTLY ITS CLICK BAIT, BUT IN PAPER FORM.  WHAT I DID SEE IN MARVEL ZOMBIES WAS A CUTE, ADORABLE, AND FURRY LITTLE KITTEN CALLED BLACKIE!!! LET’S FACE IT, IT’S ABOUT TIME WE GOT A COMIC ABOUT A REAL HERO.

So we start Blackie’s adventure being stuck in a post apocalyptic zombie world. Most of the Marvel Zombie heroes and villains have been infected with a virus that makes them want to eat human flesh. We have an older Kitty Pryde and her son she created with Colossus, Piotr. After a small Zombie incursion Piotr and Kitty find Blackie, safe and sound from any zombies inside a wall in their house.

Blackie was very confused as to why they removed him from his safe home and decided to imprison him. Blackie counted the days down on the calendar where he would execute his plot to escape from these terrible captors. Piotr wanted to celebrate Halloween. He kept bugging his mom for candy and a costume. Living in a zombie apocalypse just didn’t seem to be enough like Halloween for him.  After his mom found him a costume, decorations, and carved some Jack O’lanterns, Piotr still wasn’t happy. His mom didn’t have any candy. Kitty decides she will go out into the zombie apocalypse and find Piotr some candy. During the conversation Blackie took his chance and slipped away from his prison. Piotr, (the most annoying name to write with auto-correct) notices Blackie running away and decides to pursue, and recapture his prisoner.

Piotr starts searching the town for Blackie. He sees a light on in one of the windows and knocks on the front door. This doesn’t seem to be odd to Piotr that its the only house that looks brand new on the block, and that there is also electricity. Hes greeted by an old man at the door. Being a day early for Halloween, the old man wants nothing to do with the young man and sends him on his way.

Piotr quickly asks the old man if hes seen Blackie. The old man says no, and tells him to stay off the streets. Piotr starts to walk away and as he turns to look back, the strange house has disappeared. OOOoooOOOooooOOoooooHHHhhh!  Spooky. Piotr then spots Blackie in the distance and the chase is back on.

Piotr, during his search for our hero, ends up being trapped by a group of zombies featuring Darkhawk, Luke Cage, Squirrel girl, and a couple of others. Just as Piotr is about to be eaten, he’s rescued by his mother. A chase ensues and they end up being cornered in an old school. As the Zombies bare down on them, the old man Piotr met earlier, shows up. He uses a special ability to burn the zombies up and save them. Kitty Pryde realizes that the old man is really Mephisto. Mephisto only saved their lives in hope of one day obtaining their souls which are few and far between. Mephisto then slips away while Kitty and Piotr head back home.

As for Blackie. He was recaptured by Kitty and placed in a smaller cage, but don’t worry. I saved him later on. He lives with me now and that my friends is another story.

MARVEL ZOMBIES GETS 2 BEERS OUT OF A SIX PACK. IT JUST DIDN’T HAVE WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR. NOT ENOUGH OF THE TRUE HERO BLACKIE.

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY. UNTIL NEXT TIME. THROW ME A BEER.

Marvel: Civil War 2 Review Issues 1-4

HEY GUYS! DRUNKEN SPIDEY HERE WITH A REVIEW OF MARVEL’S CIVIL WAR 2!

For each issue I review I’m cracking open a beer. So grab some brewskies and join me as we look at issue #1!!! Ooooookaaaaay. There appears to be an issue #0. Great. Now I gotta change the title and start all over. You know what? No I’m not. Deal with it.

Marvel: Civil War 2 Review Issues “0”-4

MARVEL: CIVIL WAR 2, ISSUE #0

Issue #0 has 4 different stories broken up between the issue. One is a story about She-Hulk (Jennifer Walters) defending a client in court on a crime he may commit in the future rather than actually committing said crime.  She brings up a great argument. Where do we draw a line? Personally, if we start locking people up for talking or thinking about, say robbing a bank? We may as well just start building sky scrapers for prisons.

NEXT STORY IS WAR MACHINE (JAMES ” RHODEY” RHODES), SITTING DOWN AND HAVING A NICE CUP OF DECAFFEINATED COFFEE WITH THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

To make it short, the president is offering Rhodey a job to groom him into becoming the next president. Straight up telling Rhodey that because he fears Iron Man (Tony Stark), Rhodey’s best friend, will run for president and get the job in the future. Wow. Thanks pres.

STORY 3 DEALS WITH DOC SAMSON TRYING TO PSYCHOANALYZE CAPTAIN MARVEL (CAROL DANVERS).

You know what? The last thing I remember Doc Samson doing anything of importance was when he “fixed” The Hulk (Bruce Banner). That was back in the 90s. We all know how that turned out… Let’s just move on.

THE LAST STORY OF ISSUE #0 IS PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT.

It deals with the catalyst for Civil War 2 and is probably the only must read story of the issue. This tells the origin of Ulysses, an Ohio State College student. The campus was subjected to the Terrigen mist. The Terrigen mist is a substance that can unlock hidden and potential mutant abilities and powers in humans. This turns you into what they call “Inhuman”(Look, if you wanna know more about Terrigen Mist Google it. I don’t have this kind of time, and this extra issue is already eating up my potential for a beer buzz).

So Ulysses is exposed to the mist and he awakens from his cocoon. (Yeah. Cocoon. Like I said Google it.) His eyes go red. He screams holding his head. Then Ulysses seems to have been teleported into a post apocalyptic world.

This ends issue #0.

I give it 3 beers out of a six pack (2 of the 4 stories just seem to be filler and have no bearing on the actual events as I can tell so far).

MARVEL: CIVIL WAR 2, ISSUE #1 (FINALLY.) BEER #2.

This issue starts with Ulysses running through the woods screaming “Make it stop!” He’s confronted by the Inhumans. They offer to help him with the new powers he is trying to deal with. Next scene we have all of Marvel’s elite superheroes teaming up to defeat a threat from another dimension. They seem utterly prepared for this event and take down the threat with ease, thanks to the Inhumans early warning. They all go back to Stark tower and celebrate with drinks for the victory. Tony and Rhodey have a chat about how Rhodey’s armour is outdated. Tony stark makes a great speech.  

They all toast with alcohol, except the speech giver Tony. Marvel went out of their way to show Tony holding a cola.

So the Inhumans reveal that Ulysses can see the future and that is how they were able to forewarn the heroes of the impending doom. After much debate, Iron Man and Captain Marvel become the protagonist and antagonist. Tony believing we should just let the future become as is. Carol wanting to use Ulysses’ visions to save the future.

Ulysses soon has another vision. He is coddled by Medusa (Queen of the Inhumans). Then asks her to call on Captain Marvel and her super team the Ultimates. This is where I start to get pissed off.  I’m glad I grabbed a six pack.

ISSUES “0”-1.5, CIVIL WAR 2 FREE COMIC BOOK DAY ISSUE, AND 1.6-4

MARVEL: CIVIL WAR 2, ISSUE # FREE COMIC BOOK DAY

BEER #2.5

Apparently, we have to make following a story as hard as possible. Don’t worry Marvel, I got it! This issue takes place smack dab in the middle of issue #1. This tells the story of Ulysses’ next vision. He sees a vision of Thanos coming to Earth to look for a cosmic cube.

Rhodey Rhodes shows up at the Ultimates base to visit Carol Danvers. Apparently they are knocking boots.

Black Panther just seems to be there to vomit at 2 adults making out.  Oh no!  How hideous. This is when the Inhumans show up and tell them about Thanos. Carol gets a team together. Rhodey is there and just decides he will tag along. They set up a trap for Thanos.  

Although the trap works they are left with a consequence, the cost of She-Hulk being possibly paralyzed and in a coma, and War Machine wishing he had a regular coffee instead of decaf, right before Thanos took his life.

THERE IS ALSO A SECOND STORY THROWN IN ABOUT THE NEW WASP.

It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Civil War 2 so I could care less.

I rate this one 3.5 beers. 2.5 for the Thanos story. 1 for the wasp.

MARVEL: CIVIL WAR 2, ISSUE #1.5

BEER #3.5

OK so back to the 2nd half of issue #1. This is where Tony learns of the death of Rhodey Rhodes and rages over to the Ultimates base. Now he wishes he updated Rhodey’s armor for free instead of telling his best friend to come up with 4 billion dollars. Tony confronts Captain Marvel in front of a comatose She-Hulk.

Danvers tells Tony they went on a mission based on a vision from Ulysses.  After an exchange of words, Tony storms off saying, “He will make sure none of them play God again.”  Here ends issue #1.

I rate this 3 beers out of a 6 pack.  Only because they split up the story for no reason other than making it a pain in my ass.  

Also I want to point out that it seems the Peter Parker, Spider-Man was an afterthought in this issue.  He’s in very few panels and it just seems like they scribbled him in to just say, “hey it’s Peter Parker Spider-Man.”

Marvel might as well just kill him off permanently and give it to Miles Morales already.

MARVEL: CIVIL WAR 2, ISSUE #2

BEER #4

This issue is pretty cut and dry. Tony heads to the Inhumans base in a new stealth armor prototype he built.

After a brief tussle with Medusa and the Inhumans he successfully abducted Ulysses and takes him to a secret base. Tony ties Ulysses up and hooks him up to his super computer and downloads a copy of his brain. Tony’s A.I. (Friday), starts trying to analyze Ulysses brain to figure out how his visions are manifested. He wants to find out if his visions are absolute or if they are affected by his mood or body chemistry.

The Inhumans gather to retaliate on Tony. Carol Danvers, made aware of the situation Tony has created, grabs her own team. After an exchange of words, the Inhumans and Ultimates decide to work together to find Ulysses and stop Tony from doing anything rash. After finding Tony and Ulysses, Tony tries to convince both sides that he is just trying to prove that Ulysses’ visions of the future are not 100% accurate. Just then Ulysses has another vision. He now has the power to project these visions into other people’s minds. This vision is of Bruce Banner, The Hulk raging out and killing all the heroes. Now all heroes band together and fly out to confront Banner.

I rate this issue 3 beers out of a six pack again.  My only problem is that in issue #1 when they were fighting to save She-Hulk’s life the doctors were saying they needed Bruce Banners help to save her.  No one seemed to be able to find him.  Now all of the sudden Carol and Tony just know where he is.

MARVEL: CIVIL WAR 2, ISSUE #3

BEER #5

At this point I’m glad I bought a 6 pack of beer and didn’t just have 4 in the fridge. I’m a man of my word.

This issue briefly starts off with a court hearing where Matt Murdock is questioning heroes about what happened when they confronted The Hulk. It eases in and out of the court proceedings and the confrontation. Tony and Carol ask Bruce to step outside where just about every hero in the Marvel Universe is waiting for him.

At this point, I heavily agree with Tony. How do you not ask yourself bringing an army half way across the country to confront a Bruce Banner who hasn’t changed into Hulk in over a year, if this isn’t what caused him to Hulk out? At this point Bruce has to feel threatened by a show of force this big. No shit he’s gonna Hulk out. Well of course Bruce starts getting a little angry. But just before you think he’s going to change into the jolly green giant, an arrow rips through the air and punctures a hole through Bruce’s chest killing him.  

It turns out the trial that is intertwined with this story is for Clint Barton (HawkEye) being charged with the murder of Bruce Banner. The defense argued the case that Clint was only doing what was asked of him by Bruce. He designed a special Hulk killing arrow, and left a video diary explaining how he asked Clint to kill him if it ever looked like the Hulk would return. The issue ends on 2 cliffhangers. One being the verdict of Clint Barton. The other of Tony’s A.I., Friday being able to interpret some of the data downloaded from Ulysses’ brain.

I’ll give this 4 beers out of a six pack. The killing of the Hulk surprised me. Things are finally starting to pick up.

MARVEL: CIVIL WAR 2, ISSUE #4

BEER #6

Alright!  We made it!  I’m almost drunk.  It’s getting hard to type.  But let’s power through.  

This issue starts off with Carol Danvers having a face to face with She-Hulk after she is freshly out of a coma. Carol breaks the news about Bruce to her and explains they are just about to announce the verdict on Bruce’s murderer HawkEye!  

Clint Barton is found not guilty and is released for custody. We now switch between Tony Stark pouring over the data on Ulysses’ brain scan trying to prove his visions are just based off an algorithm and not absolute. Then we have Carol Danvers following up on every vision she can. Eventually, Tony calls a meeting of the heroes trying to convince them they could be locking away innocent people based on the data he’s found. Carol refuses to believe it.

 This is where the heroes start to take sides. Some cross to Iron Man’s logical thinking others cross over to Captain Marvel’s belief in faith. The issue ends with Tony having Night Crawler teleport out a suspect in custody at the Ultimates base. They all meet outside with the 2 sides ready to clash in what seems will be the first battle in Civil War 2.

I rate this issue 4 beers out of a 6 pack. It finally seems like we are getting to the beef of this story!

Overall the 6 issues reviewed in this series have earned a 17.5 beer score out of a possible 36 pack you can get in one of those carry coolers you just need to add ice to. It’s keeping my interest. In my opinion Marvel has a habit of starting slow and hurrying to finish with these big events. Lets hope the pace stays slow and the story has a chance to develop more.

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY.  UNTIL LATER.  THROW ME A BEER.

Throwback Thirstday: Amazing Spider-Man #1 Review, Part 2 of 2

HELLO AGAIN BEER MATES! WELCOME BACK TO ANOTHER REVIEW OF ONE OF MY ADVENTURES!  TODAY WE WILL BE LOOKING AT THE SECOND STORY IN AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #1. STARRING ME!  PETER.  PETER PARRRLLLMER?  WAIT.

This adventure stars Peter Palmer as the Amazing Spider-Man. Well screw me. What do I do now? Guess I won’t be reviewing this in the first person. For you guys I’ll review it.

So Palmer has a great idea that by joining the Fantastic Four he can make some money. So he heads to the Baxter Building to let them know he’s available. Stupid idea. Can you imagine them having to change all their logos, merchandising, and trademarks just for this kid Palmer to make money?

So after Palmer dresses up as Spider-Man he has a brief misunderstanding with the Fantastic Four which turns into an all out brawl. Spider-Man really kicked some major ass before Reed calms everyone down.

So after kicking the “Fantastic Four’s” hides, you would think that would gain Spider-Man some respect. Nah. He’s only better than all four of them combined.

They also believe the bad press Jonah Jameson has been writing in the papers.

So Palmer takes off out the window calling them a bunch of pikers. Pikers. Hmm. Ok. We gotta Google this.

Well. That was disappointing. Was hoping for something different. So, next we shift our attention to the first appearance of the Chameleon!

Looks like Palmer is going to have his hands full!!!! Seriously. If Chameleon ties up his friend the Janitor like that, look out Palmer! But does he really need a multi-pocket disguise vest to become the janitor? It’s the 60’s. He probably could have brown paper bagged some liquor and threw a broom over his shoulder and walked into the Pentagon. So after successfully stealing some secret plans the Chameleon decides to watch the news.

The Chameleon plots his next caper.

After thinking up his next plot involving framing Spider-Man, the Chameleon puts his plan in motion.

Apparently Chameleon is a genious. Must be those brain goggles he wears. He never seems to take them off. After activating his machine to lure Spider-Man into his trap, we return to a scene with Peter Palmer picking up the “Spidar” waves. Yep, still Peter Palmer.

One thing Palmer has over me is he’s a way better dresser. No sweater vests for this man! So Palmer heads out to find the source of the signal. Meanwhile Chameleon dressed as Spider-Man steals more secret government plans. He starts his getaway to the roof just as Spider-Man arrives!

Hahahahahha. He’s got his multi-pocket disguise vest with him! This guy is terrific! So Chameleon takes off in a helicopter that was parked on the roof and Spider-Man gives chase. After catching up to Chameleon trying to trade his secret documents to the Russians, Palmer grabs the Chameleon and takes him back to the rooftop where the police are waiting.

Just as Palmer is about to hand Chameleon over to the police, he gave Spider-Man the slip and ran back inside the building to disguise himself as a police officer. Palmer uses his spider sense to figure out which officer is the Chameleon.

So let’s pause here for a second. Something is really bothering me. Those goggles Chameleon wears. He never seems to take them off.

Okay. Apparently I can’t figure out how to rotate the image. But this is an average size head replica.  Looks like the Chameleon as well. Nice. So I’m going to try putting on a mask with goggles on.

This looks awful!!!! How can these cops not notice that Sloth from The Goonies is wearing a Spider-Man mask. It was also incredibly hard to put on and took me about 5 minutes.

So Spider-Man runs away during the scuffle and the cops end up catching Chameleon.  One thing Palmer and I have in common is running away like a little girl crying.

SO THAT ENDS THE TALE OF PETER PALMER THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN . I GIVE THIS 4 BEERS OUT OF A SIX PACK. GOOD JOB PALMER. CHEERIO!

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY. UNTIL NEXT TIME. THROW ME A BEER.

THROWBACK THIRSTDAY: AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #1 STORY #1OF 2 REVIEW

ALRIGHT, GUYS AND GALS! TIME FOR A REVIEW ON “MY” NEXT ADVENTURE. THIS SPIDER-MAN ISSUE HAS 2 STORIES IN IT SO I’LL SPLIT IT INTO 2 SEPARATE REVIEWS.

Seriously though, the amount of writing on one page of this Spider-Man issue could cover a full issue in today’s world. We start off with a short recap of my origin. Been there done that. 

 WITH OUT UNCLE BEN, AUNT MAY AN I ARE HAVING A TOUGH TIME GETTING ALONG.

I tried to quit school and get a job but my Aunt wouldn’t have it. So I decided to work show business again. This is where I ran into my first snag. I couldn’t cash my own pay checks! I couldn’t have them write my real name on the check!

Things just kept getting worse for me. Little did I know, a man named J. Jonah Jameson working for the Daily Bugle Newspaper would change that.

Yes. A newspaper. This is what it looks like kids.

That was how people got news back in the day. Amazing in itself.

Jameson thought that I was a menace and needed to be taken down. His newspaper editorials made it impossible for me to work in show business.

I decided to look for a part time job. While reading through the want ads I noticed Jonah’s own son and astronaut, John Jameson is launching off into space to orbit the Earth!

I decide to go check out the launch. The launch went off fine but when the capsule separated from the rocket the forward guidance chip fell off. The capsule was spinning out of control!

After a failed attempt by our space program’s most brilliant minds to drop a parachute in front of the capsule holding a steel net,

I decided it was time for Spider-Man to jump back in action! If I could save Jonah’s son there would be no way he would call me a menace! After a short meeting with military personnel and Jonah, I decided I was the best one to reach an out of control space capsule with the new guidance hardware. Yeah, I decided.

Right here I would have to agree with Jonah. I’m pretty sure that the fantastic four could of taken care of this much easier. So I run to the nearest airfield and hop on a military jet that races me to the out of control capsule.

Using my webbing to latch on as we got close enough, I pulled myself onto the capsule. The component fit right into place!

John was able to take control of the capsule, launch the chute and land safely back to Earth!  I saved the day! No way Jonah would ever write bad about me again!

Guess I was wrong. Jonah thought I was stealing the spotlight from his son, John! Damn it! Now what will I do?

Overall, this one gets a beer for Jonah’s first appearance. A beer for the Spider-Man story. That’s it. Two beers out of a six pack for this story. They are just starting to feel me out in this one. Hopefully story number two can do better.

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY. UNTIL NEXT TIME, THROW ME A BEER.

Throwback Thirstday: The First Appearance Of Doctor Strange

 DOCTOR STRANGE FIRST APPEARED IN THE POPULAR COMIC SERIES STRANGE TALES #110, JULY, 1963. THIS PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN THE GREATEST THING THAT HAPPENED THAT MONTH IF BOB CHARLES DIDN’T FLOOD THE NEWS WITH BEING THE FIRST LEFT HANDED GOLFER TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP. 

Sorry Doc. You can’t beat that kind of sauce!

So this tale begins with a young Vincent Price looking gentleman being tortured by nightmares. After one sleepless night, he goes searching for Doctor Strange, Master Of Black Magic! Apparently Doc must have had a sign outside his house back then, because this guy found him by just walking down a side street and right into his house.

So after a brief conversation, Dr. Strange decides he will help him by entering his dreams. Although first, Doc takes a trip to see his old master by way of Astral projection. The Master tells Doc he will soon have to take over as master and if he’s in trouble to look to his magic amulet for help.

Doc Strange puts on his Cheetah skin gloves that look like he stole from my great grandmother’s wardrobe and heads over to Vincent Prices house. Once Vincent falls asleep, Doc enters his dream via Astral projection.  Doc finds the figure causing the nightmares but also finds his ancient foe lurking around as well.

During this moment, Vincent Price awakens and grabs a gun. The figure that was haunting him was someone he killed during a robbery and told Doc the truth. With Nightmare trapping Doc’s spirit in Dreamland, there was no way to protect his physical form. Doctor Strange called out to his master for help. The Master responded with activating Doc’s magic amulet and putting Vincent Price into a hypnotic state. Using the distraction, Doc breaks Nightmare’s grip on his Astral form and escapes from dreamland!

Doctor Strange saves the day!  Thank God he wore his cheetah gloves! So we will give this 2 beers out of a six pack.  One for each of my great grandmothers cheetah gloves he stole.

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY.  UNTIL NEXT TIME, THROW ME A BEER.

Comic Etiquette: Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone

TWO STORIES ABOUT HOW COMIC ETIQUETTE SHOULD BE HANDLED IN SHOPS.

What is it about appearance that makes our minds go crazy? Whether you admit it or not our brains default to judging books by the cover. The brain loves shiny objects, vibrant colors, tasty smells, and pleasant sounds. The buck stops at the brain. It’s our self consciousness that separates us from the rest.

How many times have you wanted the right side of your brain to catch up with the left? It could be something as small as a 3rd helping of food or your 21st shot on your 30th birthday. Whether it’s the next day, week, or year, you are constantly rechecking the quick decisions your brain made. There is always something you wish you did differently no matter how small or large.

Me? I’ve made more mistakes in my life than I can count. I’ve made a lot of decisions at first glance. Hell, I still do, and am no better at it with age.

I had a comic guy for over 20 years whom I started a box with. A box is a comic term where your comic guy takes issues from a list you made so he knows what to set aside for you. He would check it off your list and set it inside a box for you to pick up so you didn’t have to show up every Wednesday and hope the issue you wanted was still there.

My father started this for me just out of high school. His name was on it, and all I had to do was go there every week and pick up my comics I had set aside. Apparently, my father put down his work phone number as a contact. When I didn’t show up for a month or so, my comic guy would call his work and leave a detailed message that his Spider-Man comics he ordered were ready for pick up. This continued for several years, until I went in and gave my cell phone number. 

Now this comic shop was filled to the brim with back issues, new issues, action figures, and just about anything geek related. You couldn’t get through an aisle without stepping over something, and they were barely big enough to stand in. Over 20 years of walking in the door and I never felt out of place, and my comic guy always had questions about what I was reading while he rang up my 300 plus dollars of comics.  

My comic guy was in his mid to late 40’s, skinny, with a long blonde ponytail. He was always happy to see me, even after sometimes it would take me 3 months to get to the shop to pick up my comics. I got to that point where he would only call me when he ran out of room to hold all the titles I put aside.

Two years ago, my comic guy got an illness and died. I didn’t know until 3 months later. He just died. I found out from one of my friends who frequently went in and chatted with him. My comic guy’s girlfriend was trying to run the shop in his absence. I might never have known. For years I remembered I collected comics because he would call me.

Picking up for that last time, I came to a decision. I wasn’t going to collect comics anymore. To me, my comic collecting died with my comic guy. Little did I know that I was just closing one book, and opening another.

I found myself starting to hit flea markets again. I started paging through boxes of comics in tiny dusty booths. I was pulling out gems of a lost past that I had long separated myself from. There were 2 foot piles of comics savagely stacked up with out backboards and covers. I was looking throughout them all.

About a month ago I was out on a date, walking to a local pizza parlor in town. The girl I was with pointed to a shop window with a bunch of comic book posters. She tugged on my arm and said, “Hey, lets go in and check it out!”

“No, no, I’m OK.” I tugged back.

She let go of my arm and started walking in the door. I followed her in. The store was just starting out. It had maybe one of each comic that came out that week left on the shelf. The man at the counter was on the computer with another gentleman looking over his shoulder. Clearly this man was one of his friends.

“Are you guys open?”  my date asked.

“Yeah.”  The Simpsons comic guy said.

He never looked up at us.  I asked several comic book questions that only true comic lovers would know. He just grunted at me. I can only assume it was because I’m extremely attractive. All true. My date looked like she was going to punch him, so I quickly exited the store pulling her arm.

Little did this guy know, I am a major collector. I never walked back in to that store. If he would have engaged with me just once, he probably would have had a customer for life. But he didn’t.

In all seriousness, I don’t have the comic collector look. If you met me you would never expect that I have a broad knowledge in geekdom. As guilty as I am in judging with my brain, there is always another judging you. So next time a person walks through your business door, take a deep breath, and greet them like they will be your next best friend. They just might end up being that.

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY.  UNTIL NEXT TIME, THROW ME A BEER.

What If Captain America had been elected president?

THIS IS REALLY AWKWARD. DOES ANY OF THIS CAPTAIN AMERICA COMIC LOOK OR SOUND FAMILIAR TO ANYONE OUT THERE? READ THESE FEW PANELS. I’LL MEET YOU AFTERWARDS.

Well. How bout them apples? No matter who you wanted to win the election the similarities of those panels remind me of things we all heard and saw. I’m not getting any further into the politics of it all, but what a coincidence.

SO, LETS REVIEW, WHAT IF #26, VOLUME 1, APRIL 1981.

Steve Rogers, Captain America, is asked to run for president by a new emerging political group named the populist party. In this version of the Marvel Universe, Steve decides he will run and win the presidency. Steve picks Senator, Andrew Jackson Hawk as his running mate. Rogers and Hawk win with ease in both popular and electoral votes.

After winning the election, Captain America reveals his true identity as Steve Rogers. Steve ends up spoiling his own assassination plot during his inauguration speech. He captures his would be assassin before the secret service can even act.

We time jump a little and we are shown a new solar satellite system launched by America to end our dependency on foreign oil. By harvesting the suns rays it can project energy anywhere needed in the world. It also can be used as an all powerful laser projecting weapon.

Meanwhile, a conflict has broken out in the country of San Pedro. Steve decides instead of setting American soldiers on the ground he would arm rebels with solar laser weapons. With these weapons the rebels were successful in their revolution of San Pedro. This sounds like a completely great plan. I don’t think anyone has ever tried this before. No chance it would ever bite us in the ass.

Steve decides to meet with Jacinto Morez, the new president of San Pedro. Soon after Steve arrives, Jacinto reveals himself to be none other than the Red Skull! Catching Steve off guard, and capturing him, Red Skull reveals his plot to use the solar satellite to blast a laser right into the heart of Washington DC!

For some reason, for as smart as Red Skull is, he decides to throw Steve Rogers’ shield into the cage with him.

So of course, Steve uses his shield, to escape his cage. The two end up in a battle to the death and Steve makes one final sacrifice to save his country. During the battle. the laser blast gets redirected to their own location and fries them both, only leaving Captain America’s shield behind.

So that was actually pretty good. I give it 4 beers out of a 6 pack. As a final message if you’re not happy with how our election results ended up, just remember there is always another choice. This was mine:

God bless America!

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY.  UNTIL NEXT TIME, THROW ME A BEER.

Her Majesty’s Spiffing, Xbox One Review

EVER WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE, IF THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND WOKE UP ONE MORNING AND DECIDED TO DISBAND PARLIMENT? NO? ME NEITHER. JOIN ME FELLOW DRUNKARDS, AS I REVIEW HER MAJESTY’S SPIFFING.

Developed by BillyGoat Entertainment LTD, Her Majesty’s Spiffing is a click and point puzzle game that takes place in space. Our two main characters Frank (a military idiot), and Aled (typical science nerd stereotype), have been shot into space in a converted Big Ben spaceship. Their mission, “to boldly go where no man has gone before.”

YEP.  THEY ACTUALLY SAY THAT WITHIN THE FIRST COUPLE MINUTES OF THE GAME.

So you play as Frank, with Aled doing absolutely nothing, but blame you for everything that goes wrong. Aled seriously just sits there drinking his tea in the seat next to you, as you break all the ships controls. Here starts your adventure.

The ship is small, but for some reason it seems larger every time you tediously run back and forth from each section of the ship solving the puzzles.  Some puzzles are extremely easy, while some can be a little challenging. Half the challenge is remembering what you started doing in the first place.

I found myself saying, “ooooooooh, ok, I get it,” through most of the game. Trial and error is your best friend in this game. It’s a pretty short game, and most village idiots should be able to complete it within 2-4 hours.

The cartoony graphics are in par with most puzzle clicking games and fit the games humor quite well. The objects you can interact with become highlighted when you get closer. There are plenty of other objects, that I feel should have been interactive but maybe were scrubbed due to time constraints. It seems unfinished at times.

Voice acting is rather good for this game but music and other sounds are pretty forgettable. Out of the few sounds, the only one I can remember writing down is Frank’s boots tapping on the spaceship floor. Get used to it. You’ll hear it a lot.

I really wish I could say a bit more without ruining the plot of the game. If you enjoy some dry British humor, and only want to kill a morning or afternoon, than this may be the game for you. If you’re looking for anything else and short on cash, skip it for now. 

OVERALL, THIS ONE IS GETTING 2 BEERS OUT OF A 6 PACK FROM ME. VERY SHORT, AND NO REPLAY VALUE AT ALL.

THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY. UNTIL NEXT TIME, THROW ME A BEER.

Blood Bowl 2 – A Bloody Review

EVER WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO PLAY A FOOTBALL GAME IN THE MIDDLE OF A LORD OF THE RINGS UNIVERSE? WELL, WONDER NO LONGER. BLOOD BOWL 2 IS WHERE IT’S AT.

I never had a chance to play the first Blood Bowl game, and it’s a shame. Blood Bowl 2 is its own mix of Madden slowed down to a chess game and amped up with violence mixed in. All this comes with a setting of being in something like middle earth. Trust me, it needs to be played to do it justice.

There are a mix of races to play. Humans, Orcs, Dwarves, Elves, Lizard Men, and even a zombie/undead team thrown in. Also, several new racial teams to download including, Chaos Dwarfs and Khemri teams available at an additional price!

The Blood Bowl video game is based on a roll of the dice table top game made by Games Workshop. Doing my research, I see they have worked on Warhammer and Lord of the Rings games in the past and it really reflects on the world and story they have created in Blood Bowl. There is a lengthy solo mode and also a VS mode you can play against your friends.  

Blood Bowl is turn based and each action must be done with a simulated dice roll.  This will determine the success of tackling an opponent, intercepting the ball, throwing, and catching.  Pick up of the ball is probably the most tedious of the processes.  It’s probably the one action roll I would change if I could.

The graphics are great and fit the atmosphere of the world and game completely.  Sound is also great and has a great announcer dialogue track to keep you entertained while you think your way to victory.

Bob and Jim! The commentators

The learning curve is quite high so don’t be easily put off by its difficulty. It more than makes up for it once you master the gameplay. If you stick with it you will be rewarded.  Overall, this game is getting 5 beers out of a six pack from me. The overall quality, and depth, add up to hundreds of hours of gameplay.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BLOOD BOWL? HAVE A FAVORITE TEAM? LET US KNOW! THIS HAS BEEN DRUNKEN SPIDEY. UNTIL NEXT TIME, THROW ME A BEER